Asphyxiation
by ChromaticDreams
Summary: "He wanted to scream in pure unadulterated agony, wanted to shower hellfire upon all the forces of the universe that coalesced to bring this moment to pass." The Doctor gets time to mourn Clara before being teleported away. Missing scene for Face The Raven.


AN- Contains huge spoilers for Face The Raven. This is a missing scene, based on a tumblr post I saw. (Credit: daraoakwise {dot} tumblr {dot} com.) It turned out a bit more depressing than I intended, to be honest- but that's probably just my own grief coming though.

Remember when the Doctor supposedly returned inside after watching Clara? Well, he didn't step through the front door. You could see a lamp, a clock, and a mirror behind him. They never showed him entering through the front door, so **what if he didn't just leave her in the street?** **What if he carried her inside and actually got a short time to mourn..?**

* * *

 _"I'm sick of losing people. Look at you, with your eyes, and your never giving up, and your anger, and your kindness. One day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe."_  
~The Twelfth Doctor

* * *

 _Asphyxiation_

The moment her body made contact with the cobbled street, an intrinsic facet of his soul died. A long-traveled journey cut short, by nothing more than a damned _ill-timed mistake._

Clara's lifeless form spun in circles within his field of vision. He wanted to scream in pure unadulterated agony, wanted to shower hellfire upon all the forces of the universe that coalesced to bring this moment to pass, but he couldn't manage to produce anything more than a horse, strangled cry. As hard as he tried, the Doctor could not will himself to breathe anymore. He felt as if his lungs had been ripped wide open and filled with a bitter, merciless poison.

He was drowning to death, but not in water.

...

The approach of a mother and a young child knocked him out of his trance. Desperately, the Time Lord gasped for air. The two street refugees glanced up at him with sympathy as they neared him and Clara's contorted body. But when the woman noticed the look of fury burned into his face, she fearfully skittered away, son in tow.

Now, not a single prying eye watched the street. Empty. _Desolate_.

It took effort, but the Doctor eventually managed to override his own shell-shocked nerves and embrace his friend. He collapsed to his knees on the cobbled road in front of her, brushing stray hairs out of her face and repositioning her leg so it wouldn't look uncomfortably contorted. His thin frame began to tremble when his index finger brushed her neck to check for a pulse. But Clara was unmistakably vacant. Not dead- the Shade couldn't physically hinder the body- vacant. Her soul is what had passed, her very essence, and not even regenerative energy could bring that back.

He cradled the empty shell of his best friend in his arms and carefully stood to his feet. Her body was still warm. He could still intercept the crisp floral tones of the perfume she wore on her neck and wrists. The Doctor started the seemingly endless walk back to the building in which Mayor Me and Rigsy waited in stoic silence. The teleport bracelet clamped on his arm still felt uncomfortably stiff, but he had long since stopped caring. After all, what point was there in escaping when you'd already lost everything?

...

Me heard the wooden door creak open and almost immediately turned her head to watch.

In walked the Doctor carrying Clara in his arms, with an expression too placid and indifferent for the internal torture he'd just been subjected to. The apologetic words the immortal woman planned in her mind wafted away in the face of this. An angry Doctor unsettled her, sure, but an _empty_ Doctor? The hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She suddenly felt terrified.

She and Rigsy watched- spell bound- as the Time Lord carried his friend into a side room and quietly shut the door behind him.

Utterly dazed, Rigsy sat on the steps, which were empty ever since the two-faced woman and her daughter left for their own home minutes ago. "Even if I saw her body, I can't bring myself to believe she's dead," he said. Water glossed over his eyes. He blinked rapidly, only barely holding back tears.

Me shook her head wearily. "I never meant for any of this to happen," she breathed, still caught in a state of shock. Rigsy's brows creased as he turned to face her head on.

"You didn't? Then why'd you use me as a _trap?_ Why'd you almo-"

"Shhhh-shhh-shh!" she interrupted. Eyes wide, she gestured towards the door. "Listen..."

It was hard to hear at first- only a soft, dignified grieving. Within the span of a few seconds, though, the Doctor's mourning progressed into messy sobs. And just as Rigsy was about to open the door to provide but a touch of condolence, a broken, terrifying, nearly unrecognizable scream filled the air with dead weight. As the young man listened to the brutal- _almost animalistic_ \- expression of emotion proceed, he realized that this was the mourning of a man who had absolutely no words to say. Nothing to match the true face of his loss.

 _Just how much had the Doctor and Clara been through,_ he wondered, _to condone such an act of suffering?_

Me cringed as she heard something glass shatter upon the floor in the side room. She knew Clara's death ultimately wasn't her fault, but nothing could strip away her guilt after hearing the raw horror of the Doctor hopeless.

Nothing would ever erase the screams now etched onto her heart, not even the passing of time


End file.
